“Why Am I so Jealous” + Transforming Jealousy Into a Beautiful Lesson


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Jealousy or envy is one of the seven deadly sins and a cardinal vice within many religious teachings.

But the truth is, jealousy and envy are as human as any of the other capital wrongs. If jealousy is a disease, it’s a sickness that we all contain within us on some level. 

I recently stumbled across an article by lifestyle blogger Tonya Leigh. Her lifestyle blog encourages women to live joie de vivre and to “french kiss life”. In the article, Tonya shares a life lesson she learned about jealousy that really resonated with me. And so, I thought I’d condense that lesson and share it with you here. 

Have you ever felt jealous? Or a better question might be, when was the last time you felt jealous? You know — that bitter heaviness of envy in the pit of your stomach.

Maybe it was something as frivolous as the perfect designer handbag of the stranger walking down the street. Or perhaps while scrolling your timeline you find another girlfriend has gotten engaged, or pregnant, or is vacationing on an exotic sunny beach somewhere — yet again. 

Shouldn’t you be happy for her or him? Shouldn’t you be grateful for what you have? Shouldn’t you stop comparing myself to others? In these instances, we’re quick to resent this feeling of jealousy. And so we start to feel bad for feeling bad.

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So why do we feel jealous, to begin with? And what do we do when jealousy starts to bumble up within us? 

Look no further than the French to make anything beautiful — including jealousy.

Tonya continues to share a story of a coffee date with a girlfriend in Paris. During the discussion, the topic of jealousy came up, and she admitted that she hated the feeling of it.

Perplexed, her French girlfriend responded, “But why? Jealousy is beautiful.” She continued, “I adore feeling jealous. It makes my heart feel alive. I know I’m being pulled towards desire and longing.”

Romantic, eh?

It’s true that jealousy can be toxic, especially so when we act out on the emotion. Harboring fear and resentment towards another person. Jealousy not only can be harmful to others, but it can also be harmful to you.

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But perhaps we need to lighten up a bit on ourselves ladies. We are simply human beings having very human emotions.

Feeling jealous does not make you a bad person. In fact, it makes you a very normal one.

“Your power comes when you take those emotions and use them to discover more about yourself and to dissolve whatever is holding you back.”

The key to seeing jealousy as a beautiful gift is to realize that it has absolutely nothing to do with the other person. It has everything to do with what you deeply desire — and what’s holding you back from creating it for yourself.

The moral of the story… Jealousy is simply showing you the way. Pulling your heart toward your deepest desire and longing.

Embrace jealousy. Feel it. Listen to it. Now, what’s holding you back?

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